you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
