playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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