nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
