How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
