You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
