you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
