They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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