i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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