You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
