i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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