Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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