dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I love having hate sex.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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