In the future we'll all be gay
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
