dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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