I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
