I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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