Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
