New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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