I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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