Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
