Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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