he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
