Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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