Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
