2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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