those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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