you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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