Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize