You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
