It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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