i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
