"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
