Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
