Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And my parents said I crawled through the house
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize