Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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