Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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