i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
only you would photoshop your dick
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
