Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
