The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
being pregnant is like rehab
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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