I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
