I just cut my nipple shaving
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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