Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
