please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
