It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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