Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
