Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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