The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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