okay pat passed out under dana's car
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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