my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
