Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
