When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize