I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
