I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
