mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
