Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
