so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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