i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
