Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
