You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
