I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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