Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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