Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
