i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
