just tell him i said nine months
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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