If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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