His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
