Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
