He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
