god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
