It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
