i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize