I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i've created a new STD.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
