It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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