dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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