i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
