Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
