We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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