I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
