I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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