no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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