I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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