my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
