I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
