foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
