so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize