These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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