the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
