It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
