suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
