It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
