I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
