oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
