Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
