Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
