Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
