So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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