Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize