We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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