im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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