do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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