in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
