You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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